Germs, germs germs

What is it about toddlers that they are so talented at spreading infectious diseases? They are like these little germ infested temples running around with their snotty noses, nit infested heads and conjunctivitis eyes. Then they stick their grubby fingers into your face just to share the love.

It started even before Mole was born. From the morning sickness onwards, I began getting an alarming degree of colds. Up till then they averaged about twice a year, but this was more like once a month. Then I got a stomach bug, which had it coming out of both ends for about two days. I was more pissed off than anything else. That was the final straw, stomach bugs are unheard of for me. I started taking probiotics, and didn’t get sick again for the rest of the pregnancy.

Mole and I remained in amazingly good health for the best part of her first year. The antibodies in the breast milk had something to do with that. Then she was weaned off, began going to nursery, and the colds started. She brought a new one home every single week for the six months that she was there, sporting a permanently snotty nose. Those places are like a breeding ground for germs. Not anyone’s fault, but still, there it is. I quickly realised that if I was going to keep her out of nursery every time she got a cold, she would never go to nursery and I would never go to work. I also discovered during this process that there is no allowance of leave at work for sick children. This means that you either say that you are the one who is sick and take it out of your own limited sick leave, or you take it as precious holiday, or unaffordable unpaid leave. Rock and a hard place.

After this came the stomach bugs. Incidentally, nurseries won’t take children who’ve been vomiting, they have to vomit at home instead. I was pregnant with Hedgehog at the time and had just got past the morning sickness, only to be met with more vomiting vengeance a week later. Mr M&H and I were crawling between the toilet and the sofa for the day, while grandparents came to look after Mole. We gave the bug to them too, sharing the love. Annoyingly, Mole was not as knocked out by it as we were. All the vomiting drama happened in the night and by morning she was bright and bouncy as if nothing had happened. She crawled over our innate bodies chortling ‘What’s wrong?’. How can toddlers do this? The boundless vitality of youth I suppose.

A couple of months later, after Mole took a fancy for sticking her germy fingers into my eyes, I got conjunctivitis. Conjunctivitis is horrible. The itching is torture. I had to go to an out of hours surgery and all night pharmacy on the weekend because I was so desperate. Then the drops take five days to work. These days I get itchy eyes most weeks and Hedgehog has had conjunctivitis twice. I do the boiled water and cotton wool routine every day, but when they are rubbing their fingers in their eyes every ten seconds, it all seems a bit futile.

Now we come to the nits. The annoying thing about nits is there is no immunity for them. Unlike chicken pox, the nits can return again and again. According to parents of school age children, they do, several times. I’m not sure who first brought them into the house, but they infested us all, with the possible exception of Hedgehog, who does not have much hair. I noticed Mole scratching her scalp for about a month, but just put it down to one of her many endearing habits, like picking her nose or adjusting her nappy. Then I started itching, and went to see the pharmacist about it. She inspected my scalp and thought it could be dandruff. Dubious, having never suffered with dandruff in my life, I purchased a bottle of anti-dandruff shampoo which made my hair really sticky, and did nothing to relieve the itching. Three weeks later I went to the doctor, who diagnosed the nits in about five seconds. A course of ‘Hedrin’ followed. You have to douse your hair in the stuff once, leave it in for eight hours over night and rinse out in the morning. That kills the adults. You then have to repeat the process one week later, once the eggs have hatched out, to catch the remaining adults.

So Dis Gus Ting.

The Hedrin did the trick, but I remain paranoid about the slightest itch, so now we have a nit comb handy in the bathroom and at the first hint of itchy scalp, we all get the once over. The comb usually reveals a few black dots in its teeth. It is strangely satisfying, a bit like flossing.

And back to the colds. This year Mole and Hedgehog have sported some truly amazing snotty noses. It is like a constant candle stick stream. You start off by studiously wiping their noses, and after an entire pack of wet wipes is used up in half an hour, you realise there is no point. Just let them wipe it into their hair with the back of their hand, give them some Calpol andwatch something mindless like Peppa Pig.

Which brings me to the ‘bleach the house into oblivion versus let them eat dirt’ debate. After living with two germ magnets on a daily basis, I’m more inclined towards the ‘let them eat dirt’ side of life. This is partly because I would rather build up their immunity with low level germs than try to pretend there is no bacteria in the world, but mainly because I don’t like the smell of bleach. Give me ‘Ecover all-purpose-surface-cleaner’ that smells of lavender and lemons every time.

But it also comes down to what is practical. Hedgehog puts anything and everything in her mouth, her particular favourite is the gravel stones from the garden. She gives them a lick (to test them presumably), before popping them into the Japanese Maple tub. This may not be ideal, but as long as she is not eating pooh, I’m not going to sweat it. If I was going to marshal her in everything, I’d never do anything else, ditto for sterilising the house.

Now all that remains is for Mole and Hedgehog to get the chicken pox, and their immunity will be complete, right?! In the meantime I’ll keep popping the probiotics.